THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT
AN EYE
People say that the eyes are a "window to the soul" - that
they can tell us much about a person just by gazing into them. Given that we
cannot, for example, control the size of our pupils, body language experts can
deduce much of a person's state by factors relating to the eyes.
The Pupils
The
pupils are a part of our body language that we practically have no control
over.
As
well as adjusting the amount of light taken in the process of sight (Dilation: pupil size increasing; Contracting: pupil size decreasing),
Eckhard Hess (1975) found that the pupil dilates when we are interested in the
person we're talking to or the object we're looking at.
As
an indicator, check a friend's pupil size when you're talking to them about
something interesting, then change the subject to something less interesting
and watch their pupils contract!
Eye Contact
For
making contact and communicating with a person, effective eye contact is
essential to our every day interaction with people, and also to those who want
to be effective communicators in the public arena:
Persistent eye contact
Generally
in Western societies and many other cultures, eye contact with a person is
expected to be regular but not overly persistent. Constant eye contact is often
considered to be an attempt at intimidation, causing the person who's the
object of a person's gaze to feel overly studied and uncomfortable.
Even
between humans and non-humans, persistent eye contact is sometimes unadvisable:
the New Zealand Medical Journal reported that one reason so many young children
fall victim to attacks by pet dogs is their over-poweringly regular eye contact
with pets, which causes them to feel threatened and defensive.
Overly
persistent eye contact is also a sign of a person's over-awareness of the
messages they are emmiting. In the case of a person who is try to deceive
someone, they may distort their eye contact so that they're not avoiding it - a
widely recognised indicator of lying.
Avoiding Eye Contact
Why
do we avoid looking at a person? It may be because we feel ashamed to be
looking at them if we're being dishonest of trying to deceive them. However,
Scotland's University of Stirling found that, in a question-and-answer study
among children, those who maintained eye contact were less likely to come up
with the correct answer to a question than those who looked away to consider
their response.
Eye
contact, as a socialising device, can take a surprising amount of effort to
maintain when this energy could be spend on calculating, as opposed to
perceptive, tasks.
Crying
In
most cultures around the world, crying is considered to be caused by an extreme
experience of emotion; usually, it's associated with sadness or grief, though
often extreme experiences of happiness, and through humor, can
cause us to cry.
Often, forced crying in order to gain sympathy or deceive
others is known as "crocodile tears" - an expression from myths of
crocodiles 'crying' when catching prey.
Blinking
Aside
from our instinctive need to blink, our emotions and feelings towards the
person we're talking to can cause us to subconciously alter our blink rate.
Blinking more than the average 6-10 times per minute (see right) can be
a good indicator that a person is attracted to the person they're talking to,
and is for this reason used as a sign of flirting.
Winking
In
the West, we consider winking to be a cheeky form of flirting - something we do
with people that we know or are on good terms with. However, there are
cross-cultural variations on the issue of winking: some Asian cultures frown up
on the use of this form of facial expression.2
Eye Direction
What
does the direction that someone looking in tell us about what they're thinking
or feeling? Well, probably just what they're looking at.
The
thing to look out for is the direction someone's eyes are looking in when
they're thinking. Looking to their left indicates
that they're reminiscing or trying to remember something. On the other hand,
looking to their
right indicates more creative
thoughts, and this is often interpreted as a potential sign that someone may be
being deceitful in some situations, i.e. creating a version of events.
Note:
if a person is left handed, the direction indicators may be reversed.
Eye Reading Summary
From
the findings above, what's the best way to convey a "positive you"
using eye contact? If you want to show you're interested in what someone has to
say, make eye contact often, but remember that unblinking stares are
disconcerting.
Researchers
have found that when people are engaged in an interesting conversation, their
eyes remain focused on their partner's face about 80% of the time - but not
exclusively on the eyes. Instead, they focus on the eyes for two to three
minutes, then move down to the nose or lips, then back up to the eyes.
Occasionally, they look down to the table momentarily, then back up to the
eyes.
Avoid
looking up and to the right - it's a universal symbol of boredom and dismissal.
Also remember the following key points with regards to eye contact:
Also remember the following key points with regards to eye contact:
·
Demonstrate
that you're interested and active in interacting with someone by maintaining regular intervals of eye contact,
but remember that contant eye
contact can be intimidating.
·
Pupil
dilation can indicate someone is interested; it could, alternatively, be that
the room has become brighter.
·
Wink
sparingly, even in cultures you know accept such a gesture in jest.
·
Avoid
"crocodile tears" if you want to be considered trustworthy by your
peers.
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